RAW: My Weight Loss Journey

Ever have those moments in life when you don't feel like you are where you are supposed to be in life? That you have worked so hard and this is where you ended up? Ever feel like it can't get better than what you are doing, even though you absolutely hate it? Circle back two weeks ago when I was sitting at my desk at work, I am a Human Resources Generalist, about to start bawling my eyes out because I did not want this to be my life anymore. I hated sitting at a desk, I hated being in such a structured position, and I hated that I had value to contribute and yet I was constantly looked at as a small fish in a big pond. At that moment, I made the decision to quit my job and focus my attention to the things I love: Nutrition, Fitness, and Beauty.

I started my weight loss journey two years ago, in March of 2012. It was when I had finally told myself that I was not happy with who I was, and instead of complaining about it, I was going to change it. I am 5' 2" and at the time I was nearing 150 pounds. I have a body type where I do not necessary get rolls of fat when I gain weight, I just get very thick. I was in a size 8 in pants, and they were beginning to feel uncomfortable on me. I could not justify buying new clothes because I was too big to fit into the ones I had. I want to add, that I know I did not look horrible, or ugly for that matter, but I was uncomfortable, and most of all I was unhappy. 

When my mom died in 2004, I was 17 and just graduated high school. I through myself into school, extracurriculars, and part time jobs to keep me busy. I kind of swept it under the rug instead of dealing with it. What I didn't realize was that I was emotionally stress eating, binge eating, and purging. I was trying to ease my emotions by controlling them, but I was only hurting myself more. I also did this because I suffered from being insecure due to events that had occurred in my life both before and after my mom died. I never felt like I was good enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. Until this past year I had still continued to suffer with these insecurities, food addictions, and disorders.

When I began my weight loss journey in 2012, it was not all rainbows and unicorns. I experienced moments of defeat, heartache, and unhappiness. It took me over a month to lose even a pound, and I was so completely discouraged. I kept wanting to give up, but then I would look at myself and cry and knew that if I gave up, I couldn't say I was trying so I had to stick to it. When I went to the doctors in the beginning of May 2012, I had dropped 10 pounds. Sad part is, I had been so focused on being negative about myself and to myself, I couldn't even realize how much I had accomplished.

It was at this time that I decided to put the scale away. I only used the scale at the gym, and I would only weigh myself on the first of each month. By September I had lost another 20 pounds, and from there I would lose another 15, and get down to my lowest weight of 105. At this point I was pretty much bulimic. I would barely eat, workout all the time, and then binge eat, feel bad about it, and purge. I could not see that I was unhealthy because I thought I look great, even when everyone told me I was too thin. I could pull off size 00 shorts and yet I still thought I was fat. 

In September of 2013, I competed in my first triathlon. It was the first week that grad school started back up. Two weeks later, I had a breast augmentation done. I was unable to workout for a month, not even speed walking. At first I thought I was going to die without being able to workout, but looking back it was the best thing that has happened to me. During the fall semester, I worked full time, went to school full time, and was President of the MBA Networking Association on campus. I was so busy I didn't even have time to workout, and in addition to not working out, I was eating out of convenience. Now that might sound horrible, but what it helped me do was get to a weight that was healthy for me and helped my brain take a break from obsessing over what I was eating and how I was going to work it off. 

I now weigh between 112-115, I am still a 00, but I actually fit into my clothes, and sometimes they are a little snug and I am okay with that. I have curbed myself from being bulimic, I have learned to listen to my body, I eat whole foods, and I have never felt better about myself or my life, maybe since forever.

This journey has made me want to help others change their lives but in the healthiest way possible. I want to bring the happiness I feel everyday to those who can't seem to feel it at all. This blog, along with my company, will give insight into healthier lifestyles, so that not only women, but men and children can feel the best about themselves and the lives they are living.

A Fat Kid At Heart represents the journey that I have made, and that I hope you choose to make with me.